DOTM versus SAILOR MOON
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: What happens when the Sailor Scouts discover that their not the only protectors of the moon? Uh oh... I know I said I would add another chappy but I think its just about done sryz
1. She is the One Named Sailor Moon

Author Notes: Okay, am I the only one whose ever wandered about this or am I just weird?! Read and Review! Praise, flame, or jus be stupid on my review board! Dun really care! O.o And now... Oh yeah and no one is mine! Yaddayaddayadda! And now...

* * *

Serena tossed and turned in her midnight blue sleeping bag, white crescent moons glowing from its soft material. She flopped down on her stomach and glared enviously at the rest of the daughters, all sound asleep. She threw an angry sigh at Vanessa, a goofy smile plastered over her pretty face as she grasped the covers of her Britney Spears sleeping bag. If she hadn't convinced them all to take that midnight trip to Taco Bell, Serena wouldn't have had fifteen burritos. She would be sound asleep right now and her stomach wouldn't be killing her. She gave another glare in Vanessa's direction. She had had atleast ten more than Serena had yet she was still sound asleep. That girl had a stomach of steel. Serena sighed and watched as Vanessa fell to her side, wisps of blonde falling over her eyes. 

"Oh Stanton", she muttered in her sleep. Serena's eyes went red. That was it. Not only had she stole her Britney Spears CD and taken the last Taco Bell Grande, but she was dreaming about her boyfriend. It was on now. But before Serena could even move from her sleeping bag, a snoring Jimena rolled over on her, plastering her to the floor. She struggled to move but it was impossible.

"Too... heavy", she moaned, attempting to push Jimena off of her. When she realized that it was useless, she just sat there scowling at Jimena's black sleeping bag across the room, skulls with X's through them, covering its surface. How had Jimena gotten over to her side anyway? How had she gotten into her _sleeping bag_? Sometimes she had to wonder about that girl...

After a while, she could feel her eyelids growing heavy and in a matter of seconds, she was floating in a dreamland filled with crescent moons, burrito grandes, and chibi Stantons. But just as soon as she had drifted off, a thump at the window brought her dream to an abrupt halt. She groaned and started towards the window when she realized that Jimena was still holding her hostage. She sighed. It was times like this that she wanted to scream. So she did.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Jimena rose and gave her an inquisitive look.

"Chica, es tu loca?"

"Wha?" she asked, stupidly. She wished that she wouldn't cut so many Spanish classes to be with Stanton.

Jimena sighed. "What's wrong?"

"Yeah", a voice rang from across the room. "You almost gave me a heart attack".

Serena looked up to see Catty standing over her Mickey Mouse sleeping bag, dark circles under her eyes.

"Don't worry", the still sleeping Vanessa murmured from her dreams. "I won't tell Serena"

Serena lunged at her, but Jimena held her back.

"It's just a dream, girl", an amusing smile crossed her tired face. "Don't sweat it".

"I guess you're right" Serena sighed and then turned back to the window. "I heard something. Do you think Tymmie and Karyl followed us after we fought them tonight?"

"Well, that's what they are, right?" Jimena grimaced in disgust. "Followers?"

She ran a finger across the now lonely window panes.

"I wonder what it could have been"

"I think I know", Catty's voice wavered from across the room. They spun around, anxious to find the culprit...... and fell out laughing. Before them stood five girls about their age, all dressed in disgustingly cheesy (and short) fukus. One of them who had what seemed like meatballs on her head, spoke up.

"I am Sailor Moon!"

They all just sat there staring at her.

"Big deal", Catty finally said. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Hey!" Sailor Moon stomped on the ground accidently kicking Vanessa's head.

"Ow", she moaned from her sleeping bag, her blue eyes opening. Serena had to struggle to keep from smiling.

"You ripped us off", a raven haired sailor spoke from the back.

Serena cocked an eyebrow at her. "We don't even _know_ you"

"Oh, you will", a stranger in a top hat spoke from the back. "You will. Meh hehehehehehehehe"

Everyone stared at him strangely. Sailor Moon took him by the ear. "I _told _you about that"

"Anyway" started a smart- looking sailor with short, blue hair. "We came here to put a stop to this. You can't be daughters of the moon because SHE is". She pushed Sailor Moon foward, who fell flat on her face. Pulling herself to her feet, she smoothed back her meatballs and began to speak.

"Yes,. I am Princess Serenity and my mother is Selene"

"You're our sister then", began Jimena.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY SISTERS!" Sailor Moon screeched.

Growing curious, Serena started to seep into her mind, but all she found was food and erotic dreams about the doofy guy in the top hat. Snapping out of her thoughts she realized that Sailor Moon was staring straight at her in contempt.

"Maybe she betrayed us for the Atrox", Jimena whispered.

Sailor Moon burst.

"The Atrox?!" she screamed. "I don't even know what the Atrox IS! But I do know one thing" She pointed at Serena accussingly.

"Boy, that's the truth" a brunette sailor piped up.

"I know that she stole my name"

Serena stared at her, now annoyed. "You said your name was Sailor Moon"

Serena started to counter but instead just stood there scratching her head. She was obviously confused. The short haired girl interupted.

"I am Sailor Mercury and she's right", she started. "Sailor Moon is just her warrior name. Her true identity is Serena"

"And not only that", the raven haired girl spoke up. "She stole her speech". She pointed at Vanessa. Vanessa looked up, bewildered.

"What?!" She asked inoccently when she noticed the rest of the daughters eying her suspiciously. It was just like Vanessa to take something that wasn't hers. Music. Boyfriends. Taco Bell Grandes. "All I said was: I am Sailor Moon, Champion of Justice and on behalf of the moon, I'll punish you!"

Sailor Moon began to sob into Sailor Mercury's shoulder. Jimena glared at Vanessa.

"Okay, not only is that speech unbelievably cheesy and lame" Sailor Moon sobbed harder. "But you ripped them off"

"Exactly", piped up a blonde standing next to Mercury. "So now we have no choice but to ask you to surrender your moon amulets. We're the true champions of justice"

"Never!" Jimena and Serena shouted at the same time. Catty and Vanessa just looked bored.

"Have it your way", Sailor Moon whispered before reaching fro her moon wand. "MOOOOOOOON-" Jimena pucnhed her across the face.

"Will you speed it up, Sailor Moon?!" the raven haired girl shouted impatiently.

"Sh- sh- she hit meeeeee" Sailor Moon started to sob on the rug.

The raven haired girl sighed angrily. "If you want something done right..." She stepped up to the daughters. "Mars Fire Ignite!"

"Heheheheheh", Serena laughed as Vanessa ran around in circles, flames burning at her ass. "Huh?" She gasped as Sailor Mercury took hold of her arm.

"Guys! Now!" A porthole opened up in the wall and they all dove through it taking Serena with them. Mercury's voice rang out from the darkness.

"If you ever want to see your friend again, give up your moon amulets and leave our speeches alone"

Jimena scoffed at the last remark. "No problem" She watched as they disappeared into the hole.

"Don't touch Stanton!" Serena screamed at Vanessa.

Vanessa came closer. "Huh?"

"DON'T TOUCH STANTON!"

"Wha?"

She turned to the other daughters. "DON'T LET HER NEAR HIM!"

Jimena squinted. "Eh?"

Serena screamed as she was sucked into the black hole.

"Dude..." Catty mumbled from across the room.


	2. STAN MY MAN!

"What are we going to do?" Vanessa asked distressed. "Whose going to paint my nails tommorrow for Planet Bang?"

"Hey!" A voice called from the door. Collin came in and frowned when he saw their T- shirts and pajama slacks. "Have you guys ever heard of Victoria's Secret?" They all rolled their eyes at him.

"Anyway", he started. I found this freak going through dad's dirty underwear". He pulled the guy in the top hat into the room.

"It's the freaky cape dude" Catty exclaimed, her eyes wide.

The freaky cape dude scowled at her. "It's Tuxedo Mask Freaky Cape Dude to you"

"Um" Vanessa started from her sleeping bag. "That just made it worse".

Jimena came at him and took him by the collar. She then forced him up against the wall. "Where" she threatened, venom lacing her voice. "Did they take her?"

"Heheheheh" Tuxedo Mask giggled insanely only to have Jimena knee him in the groin.

"Ouch" Collin murmured with felt sympathy. "Where's Serena?"

"We don't know" Catty raised her voice over the tortured moans of Tuxedo Mask. "These girls dressed in ugly sailor suits took her".

"That sucks", Collin muttered thoughtfully, staring at Jimena's bare midriff as she raised her arms to punch Tux's lights out.

"Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll tell you!" He choked through tears. "But only for a reasonable amount of boxers". They all stared at him in disgust. "And maybe a thong or two..."

Jimena threw a searing punch across his cheek and he crumpled to the hard wood floor.

Catty sighed. "I guess we'll have to find her on our own". She kicked at the top hat, sending it flying across the room. "We'll hold him hostage".

"Sounds good to me" Jimena muttered before a wistful look fell over her features. "What was Serena trying to tell you, Vanessa?"

"Something about", she sighed before going on. "Stanton... I think she wants me to see him"

"You think?" Jimena asked, surprised. "About what?"

Vanessa smiled evilly. "I don't know", she paused to pull out a pair of red pumps and a slinky dress from Serena's closet. "But I'm sure I'll think of something".

* * *

Vanessa smiled and bit her bottom lip as she spotted the dangerous blonde leaning against the brick, school building. This was her chance. She winced as she bit her lip too hard. 

"Vanessa?" A familiar voice called for her. She gave a coy smile at Stanton who was now staring at her from the building. He uncrossed his arms and started towards her.

"What are you doing out of class? It isn't like you to ditch"

"Oh", she ran her fingers over the building. "But isn't i- OWWWIEEEEE", she screamed as a piece of jagged brick sliced into her fingertip. He chuckled, amused.

"Vanessa, sexy doesn't suit you. Just be yourself"

She pouted and put her hands on her hips.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Um... what happened to your lip?"

"Oh, I, ah... got into a fight?"

"_You?_" he smiled down at her. "Got into a fight?"

She nodded before slipping her arms around his neck. "I've been thinking about you".

"Right". He pulled away from her. "Where's Serena?"

She groaned. "Serena. Serena. Serena. Is that all you ever think about?"

"Yes, actually". he answered, clearly annoyed at her persistence. "Where is she?"

Upset that her tirade wasn't working, she pouted and leaned against the wall.

"Fine", he sighed and entered her mind. When he had gotten past all of the dirty dreams about him, he found what he was looking for. With that knowledge, he backed away from her and put a hand to his forehead.

"Oh no... not Sailor Moon".

"VANESSA!" Her eyes widened in terror when she saw who was coming her way.

"Later", she muttered at Stanton before taking off in the other direction.

"VANESSA!" An anxious Michael sprinted across La Brea High's campus. "VANESSA, WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SHOES?!"

"He's gaining" Stanton laughed from the brick wall. Vanessa jumped into her convertible and sped off. Michael groaned and stopped to lean against the wall, his breath ragged.

"Damn, she's hard to catch" Michael gasped for air. "Why was she talking to _you_?"

Stanton just shrugged and stared out into the horizon, hoping that he would go away. He didn't. They never did.

"But dude" Michael started when he got his breath back. "Did you see those shoes? Killer!"

Stanton groaned. This was the price he payed for going out with a daughter. All of her friends and their boyfriends wanted to talk to him.

"I was thinking Wet Seal, but you know Vanessa. She's a Marshall Fields kinda girl".

Stanton scowled. "Why are you interested in her shoes anyway?" He looked down to see pink, strapped sandles crawling up Michael's legs.

"Oh", he grimaced. "No wonder she's been hitting on me".

"What was that?"

"Nothing important", he slapped Michael across the back and smiled when he doubled over from the pain. "Catch you later". And with that, he started off to find the daughters.

* * *

"Disney Land?" Jimena sighed exhaustedly. "They took her to Disney Land?" 

"yes........... no MEHEHEHEHEHE" And with another punch across the jaw, he was out cold.

"Did you talk to Stanton?" Jimena turned to Vanessa.She nodded.

"Yes, but Michael interupted"

"After your clothes again?"

"Shoes this time", she made a face. "I think he wanted to borrow them. We wear the same size".

A knock at the front door interupted them. They could hear Collin's voice from downstairs.

"Stanton" Collin crooned suggestively. "I've been expecting you". Jimena's nose crinkled.

"Is that Old Spice?"

They could hear a lot of commotion downstairs and what sounded like, "Stanton, don't fight it". Finally, Stanton ran upstairs into Serena's bedroom and locked the door behind him. The wood cracked as Collin slammed against it. He eyed him through the keyhole.

"I'll be back for _you_"

Stanton rolled his eyes and slumped down on Serena's bed. He ran his finger across the material, taking it in.

"Why is everyone hitting on me this week?"

"Because you're so irresistable?" Vanessa purred in his ear. And before she could start singing Jessica Simpson's song, he turned away from her.

"What have we here?" He kicked at Tux's top hat.

"Stop that!", Tux whined from his spot on the floor.

Stanton's eyes widened. "Darien?" he asked, pulling Tux to his feet. "Is that you?"

"No..........." Tux repiled blankly.

"Oh............... YES IT IS!"

"STAN MY MAN!" They hugged and did some wacked, gay ass handshake. A smile was now covering Stanton's face.

"How have you been?"

"GREAT! I finally got a girlfriend! She's like six or seven years younger than me but it's all good!"

Stanton stared at him strangely before going on.

"So what are you doing here in America?"

"Oh, Serena dragged me here"

"My girlfriend's name is Serena too"

They both went on screaming about this as if it were a big deal.

"So why", Stanton inquired. "Is she here?"

"Nothing special", he started. "Just to get her name back and banish the daughters of the moon from the face of the Earth FOREVERRRR... or something like that. You know how women are".

Stanton took him by the collar. "Your girlfriend is SAILOR MOON?!"

"Yes" Tux squeaked meekly.

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

"T- Tokyo"

"Of course", Stanton muttered and let Darien fall to the floor. "Girls" He turned to the daughters. Catty was playing with a slinky. Jimena was glaring at Vanessa who had been busy trying to get Stanton to notice her the whole time.

"We're going to Tokyo"

"WOO HOO!" Catty shouted, looking up from her slinky. "VACATION!"

"Are we going to drive?" Vanessa asked stupidly.

"Yeah" he answered sarcastically. "We'll just use my water proof car"

"KA- HOOOOOOOOOOL!!!" Vanessa exclaimed. "I didn't even know they HAD those!"

Jimena just shook her head in fustration. Obviously, Stanton felt the same way. He gazed out of the window thoughtfully.

"But how exactly, I don't know"

Vanessa smiled and put a hand to his shoulder.

"But I do"


	3. WacDonalds

"Great Idea, Vanessa" Catty shouted through a mouth of airline peanuts. "Pimping Michael for money like that!"

"I know", Vanessa beamed and rested her head against Stanton's chest. He got up and walked over to sit beside Jimena. Vanessa pouted.

"He keeps playing hard to get"

Catty just shrugged. "Try Tux"

Vanessa looked over to see Darien giggling like a madman at pictures in his Playgirl magazine. She grimaced.

"I don't think so". With that, she picked up her Totally Stanton Magazine and commenced to read it. Across the aisle from her, Jimena breathed in deep and dug her fingernails into the leather exterior of the plane seats. Stanton stared at her.

"Is the great Jimena afraid?"

She glared at him. "Hardly"

"Yes, you are"

"Shut it before you end up like Tux", she glanced over at the caped freak who now had his hands under his cape doing who knows what. "How do you know that guy anyway?"

Stanton sighed. "We went to highschool together"

Jimena crossed her arms and stared at him suspiciously. He only laughed.

"I've been to lots of highschools, Jimena"

"And you couldn't find any better friends?"

"I felt sorry for him"

"But still..."

The speaker came on, intruding on their conversation. "We are starting lift off in Five"

Jimena's eyes widened.

"Three"

She began to tremble.

"Eight"

Tears filled her eyes.

"Twelve"

She squeezed Stanton's arm.

"Twenty! Take off!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIIIIIIIIE!" The cry ripped from Jimena's throat and suddenly all hell broke loose. Children were crying everywhere and religious people lined the aisles, praying in various languages. Stanton turned to her, alarmed.

"Did you have a premonition?"

"No"

He grabbed her and took her by the shoulders. "Then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN?!"

She only scowled and slapped him across the face. Stanton lost it. Serena wasn't around and besides, he had wanted to jump this bitch ever since she'd tried to break Serena and him up with that We Hat Stanton Club...

"CAT FIGHT!" Catty's voice stormed through the aisles, joining the mass of chaos.Tux climbed closer to Stanton and Jimena only to be kicked across the face with a combat boot.

"STOP!", he screamed. Everyone, even Stanton and Jimena, turned to him.

"Who's the freak with a boot mark across his face?!" An old man rambled from the back row. And then Tux did the gayest thing imaginable. He started his own theme music.

"Doo Doo Doo Doooooooo". He paused to put the trademark rose in his mouth. "Doo Doo Doo Doooooooo"

Stanton shook his head sympathetically. "Aw.... dude"

"Doo Doo Doo Doooooo Dooooooo Dooooooo". He threw a rose, putting out a plane window with its stem.

"AGH!" Everyone screamed in panic.

"Calm down, people", Vanessa started. "We just need a plug"

"Tux's ass looks big enough!" Catty suggested.

"Works for me". Stanton, with the help of several other guys, dragged Tux to the open window.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", he pleaded with them before being forced into the window.

"Will everyone please calm down? The plane is NOT", Vanessa paused to glare at Jimena. "Going to crash".

Jimena just stuck out her tounge and leaned over in her seat. This was going to be a long ride...

* * *

"I have to go potty!" 

"Shut up", Stanton muttered for what had to be the fiftieth time.

"STAN MY MAN!"

"Will you stop calling me that?!" Stanton looked away from Tux and to his right. He glared when he saw Jimena's head blocking his view of the sky.

"Will you move that big ass head of yours?"

"Hey, we went at it for the window seat. It's not my fault you lost"

He crossed his arms like he did when he was annoyed and pouted. "You got lucky"

Jimena chuckled quietly to herself. "Whatever"

"I GOTTA SHIT!" Tux moaned from the window. Vanessa glowered at him in disgust.

"Will someone restrain him?"

Finally the speaker came on again.

"We are now landing in Tokyo, Japan! Have a nice stay and we hope you enjoyed your flight!"

"Yeah, right", muttered Jimena as she pushed pass Stanton to get into the aisle. She missed Serena already and Vanessa and Catty were no consolation. She watched as Vanessa grabbed Stanton by the arm and Catty tried to pry Tux from the window.

"Um.... guys", Catty started nervously. "He won't budge"

Tux just smiled, embarrassed. "My mom always told me I had a fat ass"

Jimena scowled. "Well, we cant just leave him here! We need him as a hostage!" She struggled to pull him from the window, but Catty was right. He wouldn't budge.

"Whateverz", Catty started, pushing her dark hair back behind her ear. "I'm going to Wac Donald's! Vanessa, will you come with?"

Vanessa smiled seductively and looked up at Stanton. "Only if my hunny bunny comes with me". She stared at him expectantly.

"Okay, tell me where he is and I'll be sure to tell him", Stanton sighed, but it was no use. Catty and Vanessa were already dragging him off the plane and towards the food court in spite of Jimena's cussing and angry screams.

* * *

Stanton sat unamused, his chin resting in his palms, as he watched Catty stick two fries up her nose. 

"Look! I'm a- ACK ACK ACK ACK!" Stanton smiled in amusement as she began to suffocate and Vanessa tried to pull the fries out of her nose. When half of them snapped off, she began to run around looking for help, but she couldn't find anyone who spoke English or Latin for that matter. A few seconds after Catty's face grew red, he became bored with them. Standing from his chair, he walked over to the giant glass windows to watch the planes go by. He thought about Serena, praying- no that was denied to him- hoping that she was alright. If they had hurt her he'd-

"Why, what's wrong, little man?" A goofy voice came from his side.

"What?" He turned around to see a clown with blue hair and a purple jumpsuit standing in front of him. The clown gave him a disgusting smile, his teeth shining like butter.

"Are you SAD?!" The clown frowned, with mock sadness.

Stanton sighed, obviously annoyed. If it wasn't one thing, it was the other."I need to be alone". He started to walk away but the clown stopped him.

"Now, Now! I'm Donald Mc Ronald and I think I KNOW what YOU need!"

"No". Stanton glared at him, annoyance clear in his eyes. "You don't"

"SURE I DO". Ronald held out his hand to him and gave him the same cheesy smile. Stanton grimaced and took it, hoping that he would go away. To his surprise, the clown pulled him closer and wrapped him in a giant bear hug. Stanton grumbled, his eyes growing red, and with a thought, Donald was flying out of the airpoirt windows.

Catty who had finally coughed up the french fry halves looked at him in alarm. "STANTON!"

Vanessa took him by the arm. "We have to get out of here". Pushing through the crowd of onlookers they, called for Jimena, who was carrying an unconcious Tux,and rustled past the moaning Donald.


	4. YOU SLEPT WITH MY MOTHER!

"This blows", Jimena sighed and threw a fist into the hard, coarse matress of the hotel bed. She flinched when the bed abruptly collapsed. Groaning, she turned to Vanessa.

"Couldn't you pay for a better hotel?" She roared at her over Britney Spears music. "Michael got a lot of calls, you know!"

"Yeah", Vanessa shouted back. "But I used half of the money on my new pedicure. You like?" She threw her feet into Jimena's face, who immediately fainted from the smell. Vanessa just shrugged and went back to her music. "My loneliness is killing me! AND IIIIII-"

Suddenly, Stanton walked in with tons of cheeto bags in hand. Vanessa smiled. With Jimena sprawled out across the dirty carpet and Catty flirting with the pool boys, they were alone. Obviously, Stanton had taken notice of this as well.

"Ah... I'm gonna just leave these here". He dropped the cheetos and hurried for the door, but she stood in front of it, blocking his way. Smiling her seductive smile, she wagged a finger in his face.

"Ah. Ah. A- AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"STAN MY MAN", Tux busted through the door, knocking Vanessa into the wall. "I GOT CASA DA BLANCO!"

Jimena, awakened by Vanessa's scream, flinched at his bad Spanish. She smiled, however when she saw the various White Castle bags. Opening one, she started to dig in, but stopped when she looked inside.

"Um... Tux", she started. "There's nada in this bag but onion rings".

"Mine too", exclaimed Vanessa.

Stanton just looked bored. Tux smiled at them all and tossed a few onion rings in his mouth.

"You dun wan em?", he mumbled through a mouth of fried bread. They all stared at him angrily.

"FIIIIIIIIIINE! More for me!" They started to attack Tux when Catty threw the door open. Everyone turned to see Sailor Moon holding a gun at her head.

"I AM SAILOR MOOOOON! CHAMPION OF JUSTICE! I WILL RIGHT WRONGS AND TRIUMPH OVER EVIL AND THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKEEEEEEERS!" She pointed at them with her free hands. Stuggling to hold back his laughter, Stanton looked at the gun. "Some champion of justice. Where's Serena?"

"I'm Serena!" She exploded, loathingly.

"SERENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Tux dove across the room and wrapped his arms around Serena's waist, knocking her to the ground. The gun went off and put a bullet through his top hat. On his knees, he picked it up and held it above him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sailor Moon kicked him. "Put that stupid thing down!" He went off crying in the corner.

"Where's Serena?" Stanton repeated calmly.

"Oh, her", Sailor Moon mumbled. Suddenly, Serena walked into the room, laughing with the rest of the sailors. Sailor Mars was leading the conversation.

"And then there was that time Sailor Moon fell on her-"

"GUYS-" Sailor Moon yelled. They all looked around.

"Did you hear something?" Mercury asked.

"Not me", Serena shrugged and continued talking.

"Serena, are you alright?" Stanton took her by the waist. She stared at him strangely.

"Wait", she started, her eyebrows furrowed. "Don't tell me. It's Suzee"

He stared at her, his eyes wide.

"No? But I was close, right? Stacey!"

"SERENA, IT'S ME!"

"Me?"

"STANTON!"

"Ohhhhhh! Stanton! Riiiiiiiiiiiight!" She nodded slowly. "Nice to meet you, Stanton". She held out a hand and smiled. He only gawked at her. She glared back.

"Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning". She turned to the daughters. "Jasmine! Cayla! Vicky! Wassup?!"

Jimena glared at the sailors.

"What did you do to her?"

"Meheheheheheheheh!". Tux started up and Sailor Moon slapped him across the face. "Shut up, you!" She turned back to the daughters.

"I used my moon wand on her. And now I'll do the same for you!" She moved towards them.

"WAIT!" Vanessa exclaimed, stepping forth. "Take Jimena and Catty. Leave me and my Stanton alone!"

Jimena and Catty turned to her in surprise. "NESSA!"

"Aw, c'mooooooooooooooooooon, huggle bunnnnyyyyyyyy! This is my highschool buddy!" Tux pulled Stanton into a bear hug only to be punched across the face.

"Fine, muffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin! He can go! But the girls stay!"

"Not if I can help it", Stanton crossed his arms and glared at her. "And you can't be a daughter of the moon. Your father would have to be Endymion".

"Endymion?"

He pointed to the moaning Tux across the room. Jimena, Vanessa, and Catty shrieked.

"No", Catty whispered. "IT CAN'T BE"

"Who likes pie?" Serena asked, tired of not having a clue what was going on. "I like pie".

"But I only have one daughter!" Sailor Moon exclaimed.

Stanton smirked. "You do. He doesn't"

"MUFFIN!" Sailor Moon screeched. "TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE!"

"Well, what did you expect, Serena?" Tux snapped. "What are you? Like fourteen?"

"FIFTEEN!"

"Whateverz"

Jimena sighed, exhaustedly. "But if Endymion is our father and Selene is our mother... that would mean..."

"YOU SLEPT WITH MY MOTHER?!"

"It was just a one-" he paused to look at the daughters. "Four night stand" 

"Five", Jimena corrected him, remembering Tianna.

They all watched sympathetically as Sailor Moon beat the shit out of Tux with her moon wand.

"Well now that I've exposed and publicly humiliated you, will you go back to staying in Tokyo?" Stanton asked, impatiently.

"NO" Sailor moon screamed. "Just for that, I'M KILLING YOU ALL!"

"Thanks a lot, Stanton", Jimena muttered before punching out the balcony window. "LETS GO"

"Hey, watch it!" Serena screamed as Stanton took her by the arm and whisked her out of the window.

"I'LL BE BOCK!!!" Serena bellowed from the hotel room before falling head first off the balcony.


	5. I like PIE!

Serena, once again tossed and turned over in her sleeping bag. They had kidnapped her and taken her to WacDoanlds where she had downed numerous Big Wacs and Chicken WacNuggets. Now she couldn't sleep. The situation seemed somewhat familiar as Deja Vu hazed over her. She grimaced. The blonde one had given her an ugly, Britney Spears sleeping bag and she was sure that the guy had a thing for her... She sat up, deciding that she couldn't stay here. Besides, she needed some pie and they hadn't let her get any at WacDonalds earlier. Creeping towards the door, she looked back at them before going on. It felt as if she had known them in another time or life. She just couldn't put her finger on it. Opening the front door, she walked out into the night, rain water pouring down upon her. Spotting a phone booth, she walked inside and picked up the phone before realizing that she had no money and no one to call for that matter. Putting the phone down, she started to leave when suddenly, it began to ring. Picking it up, she spoke. "Hello....... HELLO?!" She then realized that she was holding it upside down. She flipped it around.

"Yep?" She spoke into the phone.

"Helloooooooooooooooo, Clarice"

A voice came from the background.

"Michael, is that you?"

"Damn! YES MOTHER DEAR", The caller hung up.

Confused, Serena put the phone back on its hook and opened the door to meet Stanton's concerned eyes.

"SALLY"

"Stanton", he smirked and gave her his umbrella.

"Thanks", she muttered, hoping that he would remove the hand that was now creeping towards her ass. "Hey, I've been thinking"

"Really?" A glint of hope sparked in his eyes.

"About pie"

"Oh..." he sighed, dissappointed. "Serena..."

"I like pie"

"I don't know how to tell you this"

"All kinds of pie"

"You lost your memories"

"Apple. Blueberry. Pumpkin"

"But I still love you"

"Makes no difference to me"

He grabbed her by the shoulders. "WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT PIE?!"

She paused, taken back before answering. "No, will you take your hand off my ass?"

"Sorry", he muttered before removing it. "I'll get you some pie"

"WOO HOO!" She exclaimed, finally happy. "WHAT KIND?!"

He sighed. "Whatever you like"

"THANKS, SANDY!" SHe jumped up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Groaning, he turned the other way and started for the 24 hour WacDonalds, hoping not to run into Donald again. The things he did for love...

* * *

"This", Vanessa used a yardstick to point to five stick figures. "Is the Sailor Scouts! This". Vanessa used the stick to point to five other stick figures. "Is us". Stanton grumbled.

"Why am I wearing a dress?"

"Stop complaining", Jimena snapped. "Go on, Vanessa".

"Um... that's it'. Vanessa giggled nervously.

Jimena scowled. "What was the point?"

"Saw it on TV", Vanessa sighed and smacked on her bubble gum. Smiling, she walked over to their side of the room and threw her arms around Stanton. He panicked and turned to Serena.

"It's not what it looks like!"

Serena, still munching on leftover pie, cocked an eyebrow at him. "What do i care what it looks like? Give me pie and I'll be happy"

Vanessa's smile widened. "See! She doesn't care what it looks like"

"Besides", started Serena. "I don't care for Stallion"

"Stanton", he whispered defeatedly.

"But that Tux is kinda hot"

"WHAT?!" Stallion- Stanton- roared at her.

"Sorry, Stanley", she murmured. "But capes and top hats turn me on"

"HE'S OUR FATHER!" Catty cried.

"Well, that's your problem", Serena spoke through pie crust.

"YOU'RE OUR SISTER!"

Serena sat confused for like ten minutes or so before frowning. "Hot damn..."

"Well", started Jimena. "How are we going to defeat the Sailor Scouts?"

"More importantly", countered Stanton. "How are we going to get her memories back?"

"Worry about your own problems, Stucco" Serena shot at him before stuffing her face with pie.

He glared. "I don't know you anymore"

"You never did"

"You're just a walking bathrobe"

"Fuck you!"

"Fat ass!"

"Dumb ass!" With that, Serena got up to get more pie.

"You know, I'm telling her when she snaps out of it"

"I could care less", he crossed his arms and glared out of the hotel window.

"Well", sighed Vanessa. "Does anyone have any ideas?"

"I do". A voice came from the door. They all turned to see Darien standing there without his Tux uniform. He held out his arms in welcome. "MY CHILDREN!"

They all (except for Serena who was too busy with pie) ran at him to beat his brains out.

"AUG! AUG! AUG! This is the thanks I get for being a loving father?!"

Jimena gave him a final punch over the head. "I don't HAVE a father"

"Whatever", Darien muttered. "I came here to help you. Meatball head threw me out again".

"I don't blame her", Catty snarled. "How do you plan to help?"

"Easy", Darien answered. He held up a bag of candy. "Watch this". He held it out of the hotel window. "Five. Wait I know this................ Five...... ah..."

They all watched him in confusion.

"Five... Four! YEA FOUR! THREE... um.... um...... T- two.... O....O.....O- AAAAAHHHHHHH!" He screamed as Sailor Moon dove through the window.

"CANDY!"

"Gotcha!" Darien shouted and put a handcuff on her arm. "MEHEHEHEHEEHEHE"

"Ah... Muffin...... it's just one cuff".

"Wha?!" His eyes widened as he looked down at the plastic handcuff. "Stupid dollar store..."

"MWA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHHAHA! Sailor Moon laughed maniaclly. "NOW I HAVE YOU!"


	6. The Night of the Crazy Gay Dudes

"I AM SAAAAAAILOR MOO-"

Jimena sighed, impatiently. "Yeah! Yeah! We've heard it all before! Now why can't you just leave us alone?"

"BECAUSE I'M BORED! THEY CANCELED MY TV SHOW AND I'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO!"

They all stared at her blankly. Vanessa finally folded her arms across her chest and smirked. "Well it's not like-"

"HEY!" Stanton roared. "THAT'S MINE!"

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "What's yours?"

"The crossed arms and the smirk! That's mine! I made it!"

"NO, YOU DIDN'T!" Jimena came out of nowhere. "I've seen that in the movies like HOW MANY TIMES?!"

"WHO ASKED YOU?!" Stanton countered. "AND BESIDES-"

"GOD, SHONQUITA!" A piece of apple pie came sailing at Stanton's head. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF?!"

Stanton took her by the legs and dragged her across the room to Sailor Moon. "CHANGE HER BACK!"

Jimena pushed past him and grabbed Sailor Moon by her meatballs. "LISTEN TO ME, CHICA! YOU CAN'T DEFEAT US WITHOUT YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE-".

Everyone turned to the hotel room door as a throng of sailor scouts came bustling in.

"Hey, Serena", called Sailor Mars. "Brought your pie!"

"WOO HOO!" Serena's eyes lit up and after wrestling out of Stanton's grip, she raced for them. "WHAT KIND?!"

Sailor Mars let a pile of Sara Lee boxes drop to the ground, emersing Serena in pie heaven. "More are in the trunk", she told Serena, but the daughter wasn't listening.

"Never", she sobbed in joy. "Have I seen so much pie!"

They all stared at her in sympathy, unknowing of the sneering Sailor Moon, creeeping upon them.

"MOOOOOOON", she started. "MEMORY POWER!"

Jimena cocked an eyebrow. "Moon Memory power? What kind of gay shit is thaaaa-"

Vanessa's eyes widened. She shook the now starry eyed Jimena around. "Are you alright?"

There was an agonizing bout of silence, before Jimena turned to her, a dreamy smile crossing her face.

"I like pie"

Stanton slapped a hand against his forehead. Jimena was the only sensible person that he had left. Vanessa and Catty could barely think for themselves. He watched in fustration as Jimena and Serena fought and tumbled over pie. They owed him big time for this...

"Say your prayers, FUCKEEEEERS!" Sailor Moon gigglied in delight as she held up her moon wand. Fortunately, Stanton knocked it out of her hands. He groaned when Vanessa caught it.

"Duh...", she sat staring at it.

"VANESSA!" He roared. "OVER HERE!"

She smiled, coyly, at him. "You want it?"

He sighed.

"Huh? Huh?"

He nodded.

"Say yes"

"Yes", he squeaked defiantly.

"Come and get it", and with that she stuffed the moon wand into her blouse and stared at him expectantly.

"NO!" Sailor Moon boomed. "Take it out! Take it out! Take it out!"

"COME ON, VANESSA!" Stanton pleaded with her.

"Oh, I don't think so- OOO! Michael! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Michael strutted over to her, dressed in a tacky, leopard halter top and a black, micro- mini. "Vanessa", he began, twirling his long, dark hair around his finger. "You simply MUST give me those shoes".

"NO!"

"Then tell me where you got them!"

"MICHAEL!"

"Vanessa, please!" He fell to his knees. "I'm going to see my doctor today about my sex- change and I have absolutely NOTHING to wear". He put his hands on his hips and leaned towards Vanessa's ear. "And he's a cutie!"

Vanessa roared. "MICHAEL, IT'S OVER!"

Michael scoffed. "Oh, honey, it has BEEN over ever since I laid eyes on HIM!"

Stanton sighed. He didn't have to turn around to see who he was talking about.

"Mmmmm, Stanton!" Michael whispered seductively. "Break me off a piece of THAT!"

Vanessa's eyes widened in envy and she glared at her ex- bpyfriend. "THE BOY IS MINE!"

"You need to give it up. Had about enough"

"It's not hard to see the boy is mine"

"I'm sorry that you seem to be confused"

"He belongs to me! The boy is mine"

"I think it's time we got this straight". Stanton bellowed before realizing that he was adding to the song. "I mean... I BELONG TO SERENA!"

"I don't WANT you!" Serena's muffled voice came from the other side of the room.

"YOU WILL SOON ENOUGH! VANESSA, GIVE ME THE DAMNED WAND!"

"NO! I'LL NEVER LOVE YOU, SIMBA!"

"STANTON!"

"ENOUGH", shrieked Sailor Moon. "Soon you'll all lose your memories and I will be unst-"

"Sweetie?" Michael crooned.

"Yes?" She blinked.

"Sweetie, where did you get those boots?"

"Um... I dunno. They came with the moon wand".

"Sweetie, you MUST let me borrow them!"

"NO", called Darien. "I wanted those boots for tommorrow!"

"AM I THE ONLY STRAIGHT GUY HERE?!" Stanton cried.

"Yes", responded a voice from the darkest corner of the room. "But not for long".

"Collin?" Stanton asked without looking.

"Yep", Catty sighed. "Collin".

"I have come from afar to court you, my love. Shall we be gone?"

Stanton punched him.

"Thanks, man". He shook his head. "I needed that. Where's Jimena?"

Stanton smirked and pointed to the mass of pie.

"Me gusta comer pie!"

"Jimena?" Collin asked, pulling her to her feet. His eyes traveled over her body. "AGH! YOU GOT... FAT!"

"Huh?" Jimena asked, stupidly.

"How COULD you lose your washboard abs?!" He took her by the shoulders and held up a piece of pie. "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS?! IT GOES STRAIGHT TO THE ASS, JIMENA! STRAIGHT TO THE ASS!"

"Well, SORRYYYYY, Calvin!"

"Calvin?" He asked quizzically.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Was it Cally? OR maybe it was Carpet!"

"What the hell?!"

Stanton put an arm over his shoulder. "Don't worry. I share your pain". He pointed to Serena shoving pie into her mouth on the floor. She turned to scowl at him.

"Don't watch me while I eat, Samantha!"

"Samantha?! How did I get from Simba to Samantha?!"

She only deepened her glare before turning back to her pie.

The Sailor Scouts spoke up, tired of not having a line. "Alright daughters... and company... surrendur your moon amulets!"

"NEVER!" Vanessa screamed.

"Fine, then. We'll just have to tell Sailor Moon".

"You mean _that_ Sailor Moon?" Stanton asked.

They all turned to Sailor Moon who was lying on the ground, trying to fight Michael off of her."I WANT THOSE BOOTS! OW! AND I WANT THEM- OW- NOW!"

"HELP!" Sailor Moon screamed as Michael tore the boots from her feet.

"FINALLY!" Michael roared. "I HAVE THE POWER! THE ULTIMATE POWER!" With that, he struggled to pull the shoes onto his feet. Unfortunately, they would not fit and instead spilt in half.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Sailor Moon screamed as her fuku and tiara disappeared to revert back to her human clothes. "My boots! I'm not complete without my boots!"

"YAY!" Everyone celebrated, glad that Sailor Moon had lost her powers.

Michael however, was sobbing in the corner, the tarnished boots clutched tightly at his chest. "Am I? Am I fat?"

"No, Michael", replied Catty. "You just have fat feet".

"Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!"

"Not for long", countered the evil Serena, now pulling herself off of the ground. Racing at the remaining daughters, she plucked the moon amulets from their necks. "Meheheheheh- I MEAN- hahahahahahahah! LET'S GO SCOUTS!"

"Right!" They exclaimed before turning to the pie crazed Serena. "Are you coming?"

Serena looked up. "Sure!"

"Serena, WAIT!" Stanton called for her.

Serena rolled her eyes. "Talk to the pie!"

And before he could reach her, she disappeared in a flash of light.


	7. Stanton in Wonderland

**WARNING: I know that most people already know about Sailor Moon and the scouts but I just inserted two enemies from the show into the story to move it along. If you don't know Zoisite or Malachite/ Kunzite, I apologize, but Ill try not to make it too confusing.**

**

* * *

**

Stanton groaned as he continued to travel across the sandy terrain, no end in sight. He wasn't sure how long he had been walking, but judging from the tears and scratches on his new pair of Timberlands, it had to have been a while.

"Damn", he cursed. "I just bought those". Cursing and stumbling across the sand, he finally came upon a huge structure. Every wall was constructed from solid brick. Sunlight poured into its beautifully carved windows and at the base flowed a river of… PIE?! Stanton shook his head. This wasn't possible. He had to be-

"STAN MY MAN!" He gasped at the painfully familiar voice and started to run away only to be tackled to the ground by a sugar- induced Michael.

"Have you come to see the Queen?!"

"NO! I-"

They obviously didn't care.

"No problem", Tux beamed. "Just follow the yellow brick road!"

"Follow the yellow brick road!" Michael repeated.

"But-" Stanton started to complain, but thought better of it, seeing that it wasn't going to get him anywhere. He sighed as the two men carried him off into the castle, his ass bumping along the brick foundation. He groaned as his captors broke out into song.

"We're off to see Serena! The wonderful Princess of Pie! Because! Because! Because! Because! Becaaaauuuuuuuuse!"

Stanton's eyes lit up. "Serena?! Where is she?!"

As if to answer his question, they came to an abrupt halt at what seemed to be a grand entrance hall. Then, using his forehead as a weapon, they rammed into the door, sending it flying open. Stanton squinted his eyes in attempt to see pass the birdies now hovering over his head. Swatting at a few of them, he made his way towards what looked like a throne.

"What is your business here?"

"Serena!" He exclaimed, finally able to make her out. "What are you doing here?!"

"What does it look like, Sammy?" She scowled before engulfing an entire blueberry pie. She then reached for another.

"ARGH!" Stanton roared. He couldn't take this anymore. Running at her, he wrenched the pie from her hand. They all gasped simultaneously.

"You have committed the ultimate sin", Michael droned.

"For this you will pay", Collin added.

Serena's eyes were twitching now. "W- w- WALLY!"

Stanton chuckled as Wally crawled out of a dark corner. What was that supposed to do? He rolled his eyes as Wally licked at his furry paws, looked up with those innocent raccoon eyes, and FLEW AT HIM WITH MASSIVE CLAWS OF DESTRUCTION!

Stanton screamed his girly scream as the house pet went smack into his face, its head spinning like something straight from The Exorcist.

"Serena!" He cried for help. "STOP THIS CRAZY THING!"

She remained seated, shrill, inhumane giggles bubbling from her throat.

"Stanton?"

He turned to the side to see Vanessa standing there. Could this day be any worse?

"NOT YOU TOO!"

"Stanton!!!" She screamed.

"WHAT?!"

"Wake up!"

"Huh?"

"WAKE UP!"

He opened his eyes to see Vanessa's golden tresses bounce back and forth in a jovial rhythm. Cradling his pounding head, he turned to his side in one of her many Britney Spears sleeping bags. This one had various lyrics sketched across the material and occasionally boomed, "Oops! I did it again!", keeping him up all night.

"Where are the others?" He asked, referring to Catty, Jimena, and Collin. They had all been banned from Japan and forced to spend the night at Vanessa's. He had warned Michael not to be caught whoring in the streets…

"They went to Catty's to help pick up some things" She turned to smile at him before going back to her program.

He nodded and lifted himself off of the carpet.

"Where are you going?" Vanessa pouted. "Don't you want to stay and watch the Wiggles with me?"

Stanton scoffed. "The day I watch a bunch of guys dance around in tights is the day I go out with you, Vanessa". A gasp rose from his throat as he glanced out of the bedroom window to see Michael and Collin doing their morning ballerina routine.

"Oh, Stanton?" Vanessa crooned.

"Yes?" He asked, innocently after closing the curtains.

"I made you breakfast".

"His eyes widened. She had talent. Why couldn't she be satisfied? She held up a plate of what seemed to be a lump of black, green and various other colors incomprehensible to his knowledge.

"What… what is it?" He stammered.

She rolled her eyes. "Duh! It's eggs and ham!"

He gulped. There was no way in oblivion that this was eggs _or_ ham.

"So will you try em"

He didn't answer.

"Huh?! Huh?!"

"Vanessa!"

"I KNEW YOU'D SAY YES!" Vanessa roared and shoved a spoonful of green eggs and ham into his mouth.

He tearfully swallowed and prepared for the pain stricken sensation. When it didn't come, he opened his shut eyelids and smiled. "Hey, this is actually pretty goooooooooo…". He gasped for words as his motor skills escaped him. It was evident that he had been drugged when he heard the maniacal laughter.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vanessa cackled. "Now you're mine!"

He tried, effortlessly, to scream and stared as Vanessa grabbed the remote and changed the channel.

"You're watching the Barry White channel! All Barry White! All the time!"

He let out a faint whimper as a disco ball protruded from the ceiling, immersing the room in spots of Technicolor light.

"Vanessa!" Her mother's voice rose among the deep tone of Barry White.

"Yes mother?" Vanessa asked, annoyed.

"Are you plotting to rape Stanton again?"

"Of course not, mother!" Vanessa smiled, innocently.

"Acamedecaooonaruchan!" Stanton babbled incoherently as Vanessa wrestled with his belt buckle.

Vanessa!"

"Yes, mother?!" She roared impatiently.

"A friend's here!"

"Tell 'em to go away!"

"Vanessa!"

"Fine!" Vanessa got up and thundered from the room in a huff, carrying Stanton's jeans with her.

He reached for the window, his only escape route. Then, pulling himself to the ledge, he went cascading from the house, tidy whiteys and all. He prepared for transformation, but before he could dissolve into shadow, he went smack into the sidewalk. He groaned as he let his body heal itself, thankful that he was an immortal. Then, using all his strength, he pulled himself from the ground and commenced to stumble away from Vanessa's house. He froze when two dark shadows emerged from a nearby alley. With each step they became closer and soon he was able to make out two strangely dressed figures headed his way. One of them was shorter than the other, long copper tresses falling over their shoulders. It was impossible to identify a gender, for the person was too masculine to be a woman; too pretty to be a man. Stanton snickered at this. The person glared back at him with his/ her emerald green eyes. The other was obviously a male. Ivory locks fell down his back, his eyes a piercing icy blue. A cape swirled in the wind behind him, shades of blue and grey. He tilted his head a bit, a cruel smile now playing on his lips.

"Stanton I presume?"

Stanton nodded, afraid of what would come out if he tried to converse.

"Told ja so", the man whispered to his companion who simply pouted and looked the other way.

"Stanton", the man repeated before pulling out a pink and purple boomerang from no where in particular. "Prepare to die!"


	8. Welcome to the Negaverse

Stanton darted away just in time as a purple boomerang came flying at his chest.

"Just what the hell is your problem?" He roared as the boomerang sliced into a garage wall, tearing through the chipped, white paint and solid brick structure. These newcomers were no mortals and apparently, neither were their weapons. He was sure that had the boomerang made contact it would have surely killed him. "Who are you?"

"I'm Malachite and this is my boyfriend – GIRLFRIEND- Zoisite".

Zoisite glared up at the silver haired man before flashing a cruel smile at Stanton. "We're from the Negaverse".

"The Nega- whatta?

"A dark society based on world domination"

Stanton's eyes widened. How many dark society's were going on behind his back? "You can try, but you won't make it very far. That's the Atrox's job-"

"The Atrox", Zoisite interrupted with a shrill laugh that would send anyone to the hospital from ear trauma. "will fall after we have defeated its prince. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA- mphhhh". She scowled as her lover put a hand to her mouth.

"The Atrox" Malachite chuckled. "What a stupid name". They both broke out into fits of laughter over this as Stanton just stood there looking quite stupid. He didn't like the 'negaverse' very much either.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" A familiar cry caught the three by surprise and Stanton gawked up to see Serena and the sailor scouts sailing through the air. The former daughter miraculously landed on her right foot and then made a fierce warrior pose. Stanton smirked as she gradually rocked from side to side before finally losing her balance andfalling on her face, her new sailor fuku, revealing some serious thigh.

"Don't worry", Sailor Jupiter smiled, compassionately, a sweat drop appearing on her brow. "You'll get used to it".

"Serena", Stanton addressed her, tired of playing nice. "Have you lost your goddamn mind? You're a goddess. A daughter of the moon".

"I think I would know who I am, Stanton!" She shot back.

"MY NAME!" He looked up and lifted his arms to the heavens. "YOU REMEMBERED MY NAME!"

"Our enemy is _this_ pathetic?" Malachite asked his partner before cocking an eyebrow.

"What does it matter?" Zoisite gave a low whimsical giggle before lashing out at him.

"STANTON! I'LL SAVE YOU!"

Stanton groaned as Vanessa, Catty, Jimena, Michael, Collin and the former Sailor Moon came running at him.

Distracted, Zoisite sailed straight into someone's gate where numerous dogs commenced to chase her down the alleyway.

"You guuuuuuuuys!" The blonde Serena whined to the scouts. _"I'm_ Sailor Moon! What's _she_ doing here?!"

"Well, we like her better than you, Serena", Sailor Mars countered, a mischievous glow in her eyes. "What did you expect?"

"It's okay, Serena". Vanessa consoled her. "You can be a daughter of the moon! Meet your new boyfriend!"

"WHAT?!" Stanton roared. There was no way in hell that he was about to date anything with meatballs on its head.

"First things first!" Sailor Mars exclaimed, loud enough so that the building chaos would die down. "Malachite! Zoisite! What the hell are you doing here? I thought we killed you!"

"Selene brought us back", Malachite responded.

"BUT WHY?!" The blonde Serena inquired.

"She hates you. Didn't you know?"

At this, she fell to the ground and started wailing like the baby she was.

"Hey, this is getting confusing!" The new Sailor Moon groaned. "We can't have two Serenas!"

"We could kill her", Mars suggested.

"How about we just call me Bubbles?" She grinned, playing with her blue fuku skirt. "I always liked that name".

Stanton grimaced in disgust. "I'll call you more than that if you don't stop this madness this instant".

"Or we could just use her Japanese name, 'Usagi'" Jupiter proposed.

The blonde Serena thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "Okey Dokey!"

"HEY!" Shouted Malachite, apparently tired of not having a line. "We're the villains here! HELLO!"

"YEAH!" agreed Zoisite, who had finally come to her senses and blasted the dogs into oblivion.

"Right", Serena agreed. "I AM SAILOR MOOOOOOOOOOOOON! CHAMPION OF JUSTICE!"

Stanton and Usagi rolled their eyes in unison. Aparently, Malachite and Zoisite felt the same way.

"Always good to hear, but we're not here for you, Sailor Moon" Zoisite spoke dryly, her emerald eyes flashing.

"We're here for Stanton"

"I HAVE DIBS ON STANTON!" Vanessa, Collin, Michael, and various passersbys including Cassandra immediately jumped in.

"Why do you want him anyway?" Serena asked, sticking her tongue out at Stanton who just sat there grumbling something about whores and pie.

"Isn't it obvious?" asked Malachite. "He stole our job!"

"We're the villains" Zoisite began.

"With good hair"

"And cruel intentions"

"And good hair"

"And forbidden relationships"

"And good hair"

"And good hair"

They both smiled charmingly while everyone in their audience (even the non anime characters) sweat dropped.

"Plus my cape is better than his" Malachite added and gave his cape a spin. Stanton snarled. He was not about to let an amateur out swirl him. With a swirl of his cape, he challenged Malachite.

"I'll have you know that I got this from Capemart!"

"On sale?"

"$150"

"Cotton?"

"Pure silk"

Now, only inches apart, they glared at each other and began to engage in an extremely gay swirling contest that much resembled The Nutcracker on Ice.

"Dizzy?" Stanton asked.

"Not at all. You?"

"Couldn't be better"

They continued on with this charade over the next five minutes before finally losing their balance and cascading into a rather large patch of barbed wire that just happened to be there at the time.

Zoisite shook her head and spoke over the painful shrieks of the two cape- obsessed men. "I told him about that".

"Did I miss a cape swirling contest?" Tux asked as he made his way through the alleyway. "I came as fast as I could, Serena"

"It's Usagi now"

"I came as fast as I could, Usagi"

"Yeah right, Darien! We've been here for what? The past thirty minutes?"

"Sorry" Tux shrugged.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Everyone flinched as Zoisite's shrill laughter sounded throughout the atmosphere. Overcome with triumph she dragged Stanton from the mess of shredded cape and barbed wire. "HE'S OUR'S NOW!"

"Stop right there, Zoisite!" The scouts all shouted simultaneously.

"Mortal fools. You DARE to challenge the wrath of the Negaverse?! AHA- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She dropped the unconscious Stanton as a red rose went slicing straight into her palm. She turned to glare at Tux who did a little dance and tipped his top hat at her.

"Darling!" Vanessa leapt to Stanton's side and commenced to shake him violently. Somewhere between the shaking and crying, the moon wand fell out of her shirt and Zoisite, seeing it picked it up.

"FINALLY! AFTER YEARS OF FAILING MISERABLY, WE HAVE THE MOON WAND!"

Like magic, Malachite jumped up and wobbled his way over to rejoice with her.

"HEY GIVE THAT BACK!" Usagi roared. "I'll give you Tux!"

"NO!" They shook their heads rapidly.

"Okay! How about these cute little necklaces I found?!" Usagi asked, pulling out the four moon charms.

"HEY! THOSE ARE OURS!" Catty roared.

Malachite, about to protest was shoved in the side by his lover. "Are you kidding, Mal?! Those are beautiful!"

"But-"

"Please?" Her green eyes began to quiver.

"Zo-"

"Pretty please with ice cream and cherries and fudge on top?!"

"Mmmmm pie" Serena smiled from across the alley.

"Fine…" Malachite rolled his eyes and ran his hands over the bruised cape.

"Wait!" Vanessa yelled, but it was too late. Usagi handed over the charms to an anxious Zoisite.

The now conscious Stanton, shook his head. He would never get Serena back without the moon wand. There was only one opportunity and he had to take it. "I want to join you", he stood to face the two. The daughters all stared fearfully at him, but it was the only way that he could be close to the wand.

"Told ja so" Catty whispered to Vanessa who reluctantly handed her a twenty dollar bill.

Malachite put a hand to his chin in thought. "Lose the cape and you're in".

Stanton nodded and tossed his beaten cape to the ground. There went $150 down the drain…

"And you have to lose that tattoo"

Stanton scowled but let the ring of ink slip back into his arm to reveal clear skin. "Am I ready?"

"You could lose the hair"

"Don't push it", He snarled.

"Alright", Malachite grinned and with a toss of his cape, he held a hand out. "Stanton. Welcome to the Negaverse!"

* * *

Authors Note: If the whole Malachite and Zoisite thing is too confusing, Ill take it out. Just ask! And yes Stanton does have a cape for anyone who didn't know. I just had to make fun of it O.o 


	9. CAPE HEAVEN!

Later that day, all five Scouts, including Serena, camped out on the La Brea High campus without sleep, water, or pie.

"Damn", Serena cursed and kicked at the hard asphalt of the La Brea High campus only to trip and fall on her face. She glared when she heard her fellow sailors snickering in the background.

"What are _you_ doing here?" A voice asked. Serena looked up to see Vanessa and Catty staring at her suspiciously. "I thought you were a Sailor Scout now".

"She was", Sailor Jupiter stepped out from behind Serena. "But we're willing to give her memory back for a price".

"And what's that?"

"You have to help us get the moon wand back".

Vanessa laughed. "Are you serious?"

"Nessa!" Catty scolded and punched her friend hard in the arm. "It's a deal".

"Great", Sailor Jupiter turned to Serena and snapped her fingers. Vanessa and Catty gasped in awe as Serena blinked a few times before turning to them.

"Vanessa? Catty?"

"You mean…" Vanessa muttered.

"It was that easy?" Catty finished for her.

At this all four of the scouts broke out in infectious bursts of laughter, slapping at their bare knees and thighs. Sailor Mercury finally calmed down and shook her head at them. "You guys sure are dumbasses". Then before the daughters could move in and strangle them, Serena started to speak.

"Who are they?" She pointed at the scouts before sniffing the air around her. "And why do I smell like pie?"

"Well", Vanessa began. "It goes a little something like this…"

"AGH!" Serena looked down to see a Sailor fuku wrapped tightly around her bodice. "What happened?!"

The scouts looked to Catty who looked to Vanessa who didn't have anyone to look to and commenced to run away. That is until she slipped in the grass and tore a blatant rip right through her stockings. "Aw maaaaaaaan". She stomped on the ground. "I dun wanna!"

Reluctantly, she walked over to Serena and explained everything. Afterwards, Serena stood to scowl at them all.

"You let them take Stanton?"

Catty shrugged. "You didn't seem to mind".

Serena groaned in frustration. Why did she even bother dealing with these two? They were complete and total idiots. She watched as Catty snickered at nothing in particular and Vanessa posed for two seniors walking across the campus who had absolutely no clue that she was there. She needed someone with common sense. Someone like…

"Jimena!" She exclaimed at the sight of her best friend strolling across the campus, dozens of boxes in hand. She raced up towards her. "Whatcha got there?"

She waited for a response but all she received was a dreamy smile. "Piiiie".

Serena cocked an eyebrow. "Let me help you". She knew it was a mistake as soon as she touched one of the boxes. Jimena's grin turned into a loathing snarl and with not so much as a tug, she tossed Serena over her shoulder and into the campus pond. Serena rose from the murky waters, ducks pecking at her. She then turned to the scouts, her eyes raging.

"Oooooooh!" Catty exclaimed, her expression excited. "She gon beat yo asssssss".

Vanessa giggled madly from behind Catty.

"Uh oh..." The scouts trembled as Serena came closer.

* * *

Meanwhile…

"Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Malachite cackled to himself. He turned to Stanton. "Now you try!"

Stanton shook his head. There was no way in hell that he was going to do that. There was only so much that a Prince of the Night could take. "Um… Blues Clues is on…"

"Oooooooooh!" Mal jumped from the room to see his favorite television program. "Blues Clues! Blues Clues! BLUES CLUES! La la la la la! Think! Think! Thiiiii- iiiinnnk!"

Stanton smiled malevolently. With his enemies distracted, he could finally search for the moon wand and charms. Tearing apart closets, drawers, and various cabinets, he finally made his way to a gigantic wardrobe. Carefully sliding it open, he looked up to see the most majestic sight that he had ever witnessed in his many years.

"I must be dreaming", he whispered as he stepped into the wardrobe. No. This wasn't a dream. This was heaven. He danced joyously around, for he had truly found paradise. Never before had he seen so many capes. Black. White. Red. Blue. Short. Tall. Big. Small. He did a back flip and commenced to do the booty hop. However, before he could manage to shake that ass, he tripped over something, sending him falling head first to the ground.

"Dammit", he rubbed at his head and then looked down to see what he had tripped over. _The moon wand_. Smirking, he stuffed it into his pockets. Then, pulling himself to his feet he stared at the capes. Malachite wouldn't notice if he took just a few… So he stuffed his pants with as much as they could carry. No one would EVER notice. Finally, he stepped out of the wardrobe only to find himself face to face with Zoisite.

"Where have you been?" She inquired.

"Not in the wardrobe trying to find the moon wand and stealing your boy friend's capes if that's what you mean!" he spat out at her. He cursed to himself. He had never been a great liar.

"So you were in the wardrobe trying to find the moon wand and stealing my boy friends capes".

Stanton gasped, eyes wide. How did she know?! Was this woman psychic? "Uh… nu… what gave you that idea?! I was just… sleeping".

Zoisite nodded. "And that's why your ass is one hundred sizes too big?"

Stanton looked down. She was right. He had stuffed his pants so that his arms were horizontallylinear with his shoulders now.

"Well?" Zoisite asked.

"They are NOT stuffed with capes!" He bellowed before smacking a hand to his forehead again. He had to stop that. "And I am NOT trying to brutally murder you as soon as you turn your back!" He cursed himself again, putting a hand over his mouth now, but it was no use. "I do NOT watch Barney in the nude! I only masturbate when it's absolutely necessary!" He bowed his head now, shamed. Hey, it was natural… "I stole your earring", he squeaked and tossed an emerald stud at her.

Zoisite grinned her evil grin and turned the other way, a triumphant expression on her face. "Oh, Malachite!"

* * *

Serena paced back and forth over Vanessa's hardwood floor. "Now let's see. How to find Stanton".

Jimena, who was now back to her normal self due to the threats from Serena, put a hand to her best friend's shoulder. "Hakuna Matata, chica", she advised. "No worries".

Everyone stared at her strangely for a few seconds. It was one thing when Jimena spoke Spanish, but sometimes she went too far…

"We should watch the Lion King", Vanessa offered.

_Silence._

"Well fuck you then", she muttered. "Fuck you all…"

"What was that, Vanessa?" Serena asked, snapping out of a daze.

"Nothing", Vanessa smiled sweetly, maintaining her good girl attitude.

"Maybe I can go back in time and help out", Catty suggested. Serena, along with the rest of the daughters, rapidly shook her head. Last time she had went back in time, she had changed an important American document. What had once read "We the people…", now was "All Freakazoids report to the dance floor".

Catty just shrugged and smiled, her nose ring glistening under Vanessa's rotating Britney Spears light fixture.

Then just when they were about to have one of those heart warming, yet extremely gay laughing scenes, a tower of smoke exploded in front of them. From it, came a voice that could obviously be identified as Malachite's.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"

Zoisite made a buzzing sound. "Wrong! That's Darkwing Duck".

"Well, hot damn", Malachite muttered. "I will right wrongs and triumph over evil!"

"That's Sailor Moon's speech, you idiot".

"I'm trying!" Malachite cleared his throat. "Prepare for trouble".

"And make it double"

"You're both wrong", came another voice. "That's Team Rocket".

"Stanton?" Serena called at the sound of his voice.

"Serena?" He asked. "I'm tired of your pie mind games!"

"What?!" She asked, confused.

"Pie this! Pie that! It's getting old!"

"But-"

"And I've had it with that damned raccoon! Don't ever sic that thing on me again!"

"Huh?"

"Take that bitch!" He cackled for a while before realizing that no one had joined in. "She's… she's back to normal isn't she?"

Malachite slapped him on the back. "Muhahahahahahahaha! You're in some deep shit". He composed himself. "So do we have a motto?"

"I guess not", Zoisite muttered.

"I feel cheap", he sighed. "Anyway! Scouts! Daughters! We have your weapons! Now surrender or DIE!"


	10. My Stanton Lies over the Ocean

_My Stanton lies over the ocean_

_My Stanton lies over the sea_

_My Stanton lies over the ocean_

_Oh bring back my Stanton to me_

_… er… it'll make more sense later…_

* * *

"Mwahahahahaha!" Malachite cackled maniacally. "PREPARE TO DIE!" His eyes widened in glee to take in all of the attention that his sudden schizophrenic outburst had provided him. He frowned, following their expressions to a crazy looking Stanton. The fact that his pants were still engulfed with capes didn't contribute to his sanity either.

"Serena", he waddled over to her, arms spread out like eagles'. She cocked an eyebrow.

"Are those capes or are you just happy to see me?"

"Capes", he responded, obviously embarrassed. "Er… long time no see!"

She rolled her eyes. "You called me a bitch, Stanton"

"Who me!" He gasped in mock astonishment. "Never! I'm all for respecting the bitches. I MEAN whores. I MEAN chicks!"

"Chicks!" She roared. "That's the best you can do?"

He scowled at her. What more did she want! "Why won't you just listen to me?"

"I'm not taking you seriously until your arms touch your sides again"

He grumbled. When she wasn't pigging out on pie or sicing rabid raccoons on him, she was taunting him and playing his mother. "Fine!" he sighed, and attempted to reach for his fly. "Can't… reach it. Too… full".

Serena groaned and reached for the zipper. That is until Vanessa came ramming into her, sending her flying across the room.

"LET ME!" She boomed and started to tear at Stanton's zipper.

"AGH!" He roared. "Get it off! GET IT OFF!"

Vanessa's eyebrows furrowed. "I got it down some, but now it's stuck".

Catty shrugged. "Try pulling it up again. It worked on Tymmie". Everyone stared at her suspiciously before averting their attentions back to Stanton's fly.

"Alright", Vanessa nodded and zipped the closure back up again. Unfortunately, that wasn't all she zipped.

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stanton wailed. "Zip it down! ZIP IT DOWN!"

Vanessa wrestled with it. "I can't! It's stuck!"

Stanton moaned. Stupid dollar store. He was never shopping _there_ again. "OH! THE PAIN!"

"Do something!" Serena screamed over his tortured wails. "He's gotta have my babies!"

"This is gonna hurt", Jimena strutted over and to Stanton and grabbed at the zipper.

"NO! STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" He watched as she pulled back. "ARE YOU CRAZY WOMAN! No. NO. NO! No- AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!"

They all gawked in amusement as Stanton rolled around on the floor. However, amusement easily turned to restlessness, as he had been at this for ten minutes now.

"Will you sit still!" Serena scolded.

"I wish I could", he muttered. Apparently the combination of the round shape of Stanton's ass, due to the capes, and the absence of friction on Vanessa's clean, hardwood floors rendered him helpless. The scouts and daughters bolted out of the way as the human bowling ball raced towards them, and what should be standing behind them, but a stairwell. They all flinched as Stanton went cascading down the stairs, disappearing into the living room.

"VANESSA!" Mrs. Cleveland yelled from downstairs. With that, everyone including the villains raced after Stanton.

"Where did he go!" Vanessa inquired breathlessly, reaching the bottom of the stairs.

"You mean that nice boy?" Her mother smiled up from her fashion magazine. "He sailed right out of the front door, I believe. Seemed to be in a bit of a hurry too".

Serena smacked a hand to her forehead. Stupidity no doubt ran in the Cleveland family. "Let's go", she whispered and darted out of the front door.

"There goes Morgan", Vanessa pointed out.

"And?" Serena asked. The last thing she wanted was an audience with Morgan.

"Too late", Catty muttered as Morgan came strutting their way.

"Like what are _you_ doing here?"

"Maybe because she lives here", Serena motioned towards Vanessa. Vanessa scratched her head. This was obviously news to her.

"Whatever", Morgan tossed her now purple hair back over her shoulders. "Shouldn't you be with your weirdo boyfriend? I just saw him rolling down the street just a second ago".

Serena took her by the shoulders. "Where was he headed Morgan! Where!"

"Er… towards Hollywood Boulevard?"

"Let's go!" she roared and marched on towards Hollywood Boulevard.

* * *

"So…" Jimena crossed her arms. "Where is he?"

Serena put a hand above her eyes, protection from the smoldering sunlight. Her eyes scanned through the crowds, the theaters, the stores, until finally… "There he is! At that hot dog stand!" They all stared blankly as they watched Stanton hand his money to the vender as he rolled up.

"Noooooooooooo!" He moaned dejectedly as he rolled away before he could receive his hot dog.

"Get him!" Serena roared as they made their way through various crowds of people.

"Stop right there!" Zoisite commanded, halting them in their tracks.

"What us it noooooow?" Usagi groaned.

"We… er… what were trying to do again?"

Malachite stopped to pull out his "to- do" list. "Ah, yes. We were working at world domination".

"Are you serious? I thought that was Tuesday"

"Nah. Tuesday is brownie day"

"Mmmmmmmh. Brownies…"

"Anyhoo!" Malachite began, only to find that they had lost their audience. "Damn! Not again".

* * *

"Where could he be!" Serena pulled at her crimson bangs.

"Over there, maybe?" Jimena offered, pointing to the remains of an ass rolling into Planet Bang. At this, they all sprinted through the line of teenagers, using Serena's powers to enter without a wait. Finally they could make out Stanton sailing through the crowd, hundreds of hands holding him up. A hard rock band flew dangerously over the stage, when Stanton suddenly the crushed the banjo player. There was an awkward pause at this before the rest of the band continued on. They were a rock band. What did they need with a banjo anyway? Upon sight of Stanton, they began to sing such hits as, "Papa was a Rolling Stone", "Rolling on the River", and "Rolly Polly Ollie".

"STANTON!" Serena screamed as she watched Stanton on stage, shaking his ass the best he could under his circumstances. "I'LL SAVE YOU!"

"I'm afraid it's too late for that", Malachite appeared out of the blue. "Now prepare to die!"

"Why do you keep saying that! And you know he has your capes!"

Malachite turned red at this. "My… capes? W- why does he have my capes!"

"Why do you think his pants are so big, dumbass?" Sailor Jupiter roller her eyes.

"M- m- my capes!"

"Breathe honey", Zoisite soothed him. "Breathe".

Serena shook her head and turned back to the stage. "Damn! He's gone!" She took hold of a punk kid. "Where's Stanton!"

"You mean that fat kid? Oh, he went with Obie's band. They liked him so much, they took him with them".

"Where did they go!"

"God! Take a chill pill, lad-"

"TELL MEH!"

"…….the beach…"

"Just great", Serena sighed and stomped her feet.

* * *

"Stanton!" She called, staring out into the azure horizon. "Where are yoooooooou!"

"SIS!" Collin called. "What are you doing here!"

"Looking for Stanton".

"Oh him? He's over there". Collin pointed out towards the ocean.

Serena cocked an eyebrow. "Where?"

"I dunno. But he had some guts taking on the waves like that. And without a surfboard?"

Serena's eyes widened, panic taking her features. "GIVEMEASURFBOARD!"

"Huh?"

"GIVE ME A SURF BOARD!"

"Er, okay, we have red, gold, blue, purple my personal favorite, orange-"

"JUST GIVE ME ONE!" She boomed snatching a black board.

"SERENA WAIT!" Collin called out as he watched his little sister race across the sand. "THE PAINT HASN'T DRIED YET!"

"Whatever", she shouted back, obviously not understanding him.

"This could be bad", he thought to himself. "Ah…. Oh, well". He pranced off to other side of the beach to see what Jimena was doing.

* * *

"Must… keep… balance", Serena muttered as she soared atop the waves. "STANTON! OH STANTON!" She grimaced as the waters began to rush in faster. She would have to change her position. However, in attempt to move her feet, she realized that they were plastered to the foundation. Panicking, she started to scream. "COLLIN! COLLIN!"

* * *

"Do you hear something?" Jimena asked.

"Nope!" Collin beamed placing a flag upon his finished sand castle.

* * *

"COLLIN!"

"Serena! Is that you?"

She spun around to see Stanton clutching on tightly to a buoy.

"GRAB ON!"

"Okay". Reaching out, she managed to take hold of it. Then suddenly, it turned over. "WE'RE TOO HEAVY!"

"No way", Stanton glared. "No way am I gonna be like Jack".

"What?"

"I'm not gonna sacrifice myself cuz your fat ass can't fit on the big door".

"Huh?"

"I found it first!"

"Stanton, what the hell are you talking about!"

He rubbed at his head. "Sorry… pull down my pants"

"I don't think we have the time for that"

"No! I mean so I can get the capes out"

"Oh…" Smiling sheepishly, Serena reached over to yank at his pants. Unfortunately, she yanked a bit too hard and they went sailing off somewhere in oblivion along with the capes.

"Aw man…"

"Sorry", she grinned. "HEY… why are you wearing a thong!"

His eyes widened.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!

* * *

Just so you know, the relations at the end to a "Jack" was the Titanic guy who sacrificed himself at the end of the movie so Rose could have the big door.  


	11. I Will ALways Love You

Hola! Song credits go to:

Thong Song – Sisqo

My Only Love – Kid Rhino Sailor Moon Company

I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston

"BACKWARDS!" Serena added.

Stanton narrowed his sapphire eyes. "Are you judging me?"

Serena started to respond when she heard a deafening noise behind her. Turning about she gasped at a Sara Lee boat zooming across the open ocean. She coughed as a wave of water sprayed over them both.

"Sara Lee", she choked, clutching tightly to the buoy.

"Serena", he scolded her. "This is no time to think about pie".

"N- no", she stammered, raising a trembling finger to point to the ship headed their way. Stanton turned in her direction, his eyes widening.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Meanwhile…

The rest of the gang stood silently upon the sand in utter admiration of Collin's sand castle.

"I made it with pails", he bragged, holding up a small orange bucket.

"It's so…" Sailor Mars trailed off.

"Breath- taking", Vanessa finished for her.

Malachite groaned and slapped a hand to his forehead, a small moat running at his feet. "It's a sandcastle, dammit! It's a castle made out of sand!"

Catty patted a desolate Collin's back. "He's just jealous".

"Jealous?" Malachite boomed. "I'm-"

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah", Jimena interrupted him. "You're the villain and you want to destroy the world. Blah, blah, blah". She pulled a dollar bill from her handbag. "If I give you this, will you get lost?"

Malachite scowled. "NO!"

"We won't?" A disappointed Zoisite pouted. "We need that kind of money, Malachite…"

"Dudes!" They all gawked as a hyper Tux came sailing their way, a hot dog in hand. Suddenly he tripped and went flying into Collin's masterpiece. At this, Collin gasped and began to sob into Jimena's chest. They all glared at him murderously.

"Er…" he chuckled nervously. "I'll just be going now".

"Oh, no you don't!" Jimena bellowed, reaching for his leg.

"JIMENA!" Sailor Mercury cried. "WATCH OUT FOR THAT BOAT!"

Jimena looked up just in time to see a huge Sara Lee boat sailing onto the sand.

"EEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Tux screamed a baby wail as the boat nearly missed his top hat. Pulling him, out of the way, Jimena heaved herself to the side leaving the boat to Vanessa, Catty, and the rest of the gang. They all sprinted for cover and the ship finally crashed the remains of Collin's sandcastle.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" He screamed, reaching to the heavens. A few gulls pecked at his fingertips. He clenched his fist, running at the vessel. "Who was it? WHO WAS IT?"

"Me", Stanton answered, stepping out from the captain's cabin at the pinnacle of the ship, a beach towel wrapped over his bare legs. "And what are you going to do about it?" He and a drenched and pruned Serena climbed down from the top, their faces red from ocean salt and aggressive waves.

"What happened to your capes?" Catty snickered. He shot her a crazy look.

"MY CAPES? YOU LOST MY CAPES?" Malachite roared.

"Do something about it!" Stanton threatened and fell to the ground, exhausted. He was never hi- jacking a ship again in his life… or wearing a thong for that matter. He wriggled about uncomfortably.

"So how did you get back?" Catty asked Serena, excitedly.

"You were gone?" Vanessa mumbled. She averted her attention to Stanton. "MUFFIN!"

"Don't even think about it". He limped away, eyes on Serena. "So are we off or on now?"

"What were we last time?"

"I don't remember. I think I was trying to protect you or some shit like that"

"So we were off?"

"I dunno"

She sighed and pulled out a pair of glasses. Then, from nowhere in particular, she took book twelve of the Daughters of the Moon series. Skimming through it, she took off her glasses and looked back up at him. "We were on"

"Cool!"

"But you kept hitting on Tianna"

"Aw man…" Had he been _that_ obvious?

"But she's gone now anyway…"

"Cool!"

"But then you called me a bitch"

He rolled his eyes. "And that was _how_ long ago?"

"It was just this afternoon, Stanton".

"ENOUGH!" Malachite bellowed at the bickering couple. "STOP! Or I'll do something really…. naughty!"

"Naughty?" his partner cocked an eyebrow.

"Just watch", Malachite promised and formed another gay purple boomerang. "DIE!" And with that, he sent it sailing in Tux's direction. Unfortunately for him, it missed and instead cut the lining off of his top hat.

"HA!" Tux taunted. "MISSED ME!" He turned around, bent over and pointed at his fat ass. But being the mindless idiot that he was, he wasn't aware that boomerangs always bounce back.

"That idiot…" Usagi muttered. "I MEAN- MUFFIIIIIIIIIIIIN! WATCH OUT!"

"Huh?" Tux scratched his head and slowly spun around to see the boomerang headed straight for his chest. A goofy smile suddenly slipped across his lips. "Nighty night". And with that, he fell face forward into the sand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Usagi cried in slow motion and raced across the beach.

_Deep in my soul_

Stanton and the rest of the daughters now exchanged strange glances as a cheesy love song flooded out of invisible speakers.

_A love so strong_

"What is that crap?" Serena turned to the scouts.

_It takes control_

"Random theme songs", Sailor Mercury answered. "That happens a lot with us".

"Figures", Stanton muttered. "Well, it's making _us_ look bad. Turn it off!"

"Okay". Sailor Mars sneered and snapped her fingers.

_ALL NIGHT LONG! LET. ME. SEE. THAT. THOOOOONG! BABY! THAT THONG, THONG, THONG, THONG, THONG!_

"NOOOOOO!" Stanton roared. "Turn it off! MAKE THEM TURN IT OFF!"

"I thought so", Mars snapped her fingers and the music returned to its usual love ballad.

_My only love…_

"Hey! I'M MOURNING HERE!" Usagi bellowed. "WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN!"  
"Well _I_ like the thong song…" Catty murmured. Stanton snapped his head around to glare at her. They all turned to stare at the dying Tux. He looked so humble. So peaceful. So-

"What I miss?" he beamed, popping up from his slumber and hitting Usagi over the forehead. She glared down on him.

"YOU WERE SLEEP!"

He grinned and nodded rapidly. "Uh huh! Didn't you hear what I said before I dozed off?"

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists, her fingers digging into her palms. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD, DARIEN!" She turned to Malachite and Zoisite. "I PAID YOU DOUBLE THIS TIME! WHY WON'T HE JUST DIE!"

Everyone, but Mal and Zoi gasped dramatically with the exception of Tux who struggled to retrieve his hot dog from the sand.

Malachite sighed. "I don't know. We tried elevator fires".

"Ice crystals"

"Martial arts"

"A picture of my ass"

Malachite stared at her strangely.

"YOU'RE FIRED! YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!"

Catty pointed a finger at her. "DUDE! SAILOR MOON IS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!"

Sailor Moon cackled. "MWA HA HA HA HA HA- ACK ACK ACK! It's true! And NOW I'll destroy you-"

"WAIT!" Stanton intervened. "Before you kill us, feed us to the vultures, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, I have an announcement to make!"

"Oh no…" Serena muttered.

"Are we getting married!" Vanessa beamed, stars in her eyes.

"Are you gay?" Collin asked hopefully.

"Do you know how to defeat Sailor Moon?"

"Did you just save money on your car insurance?"

"No", Stanton muttered. "Nothing like that". Then from the same place in oblivion from which Serena had pulled Tianna's book, he pulled out a microphone and whispered something in Sailor Mars ear.

"Er… okay", Sailor Mars snapped her fingers and a melody started to play in the background.

"Guys", Serena whispered to Jimena, Catty, and Vanessa. "We have to get out of here. I think he's gonna-" But with that Stanton grabbed her by the arm. She looked up to give him a nervous smile. "Er…" But it was too late.

"_If I should stay"_

She searched desperately for spare ear plugs lying about the sand.

"_I would only be in your way_"

She struggled to squirm away, but he only took her by her waist and rocked her back and forth.

"_So I'll go_"

She nodded rapidly.

"_But I know_"

She groaned.

"_I'll think of you every step of the way_"

Her eyes widened as she caught something shining in the sand. _Tux's hotdog! _She picked it up, broke it in half and stuffed both pieces in her ears.

"_AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Will always love YOOOOOoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUuooooouUUUUoooo_!"

Serena flinched at the little that she _could_ hear from around the hotdog pieces. She turned to see a mass of people racing to the other side of the beach, their hands over their sensitive ears. "Stanton!" she called.

"…_Always love YOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuU!"_

"STANTON!"

He stopped to stare down at her. "Huh?"

She stopped to take the hot dogs out of her ears. "What?"

"Huh?"

"I love you too!"

"Really?" He ran his fingers through her dark crimson tresses.

"Yep"

"So we're on?"

She nodded.

"Do you want me to sing another one?"

"NO!" She roared. "I mean, maybe later"

"Why not now?"

"Because". She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. They had made up like this, every week now. She couldn't help but to wonder if he did it on purpose…

_Oh yeah!_ He thought, a huge smirk forming on his features. _Next week 'A Whole New World'!_

They suddenly turned to see Malachite, Zoisite, and Sailor Moon sprawled out across the sand. The boat had barricaded them from escaping the wretched sound waves. Suddenly the daughters, Scouts, Collin and Tux appeared.

"How did you manage to get away?" Serena asked.

"Well I took Tux and the scouts back in time", Catty explained. "And Vanessa made her, Jimena and Collin invisible so they could slide around the ship".

Serena wrapped her arms around Stanton's waist. "You defeated them"

"I did?" He looked down at the three unconscious people. "I did!"

She pulled him close as the thong song pulsed loudly through out the beach and there was much rejoicing…

It's not the end if that's what you're thinking. I have one more chapter to write and that's it. In truth I'm SO running out of ideas for this story. I've almost completely lost my inspiration for it. But I AM gonna finish it! L8rz!


End file.
